i like to consider myself a hopeless optimistic. i’m not perfect by any means, but always try to see things with a bright squeeze of sunshine. because why not?
earlier today i found myself in a state of pure giddiness. nothing caused it, or you could say everything did.
in fact, it had been a rough morning. before i knew it, i caught myself in hysterics while taking a shower. there is something so soothing of having your tears melt with the split splat of the shower. it’s like: you’re not crying alone. there’s a greater sense of understanding + compassion. i know, i know. it may seem a little hokey. and maybe it is? but part of me doesn’t really care — because if the water pouring out of the itty bitty shower spout provides me with a profound sense of comfort, that’s enough reason for me.
i was crying because i miss my dear, sweet, gorgeous, funny, charming and charismatic mother-in-law. she was a best friend, a confidante, a woman who i was so lucky to have known.
yes, i am angry and sad that we had such a short time together. and that she won’t be there to greet her someday grandchildren into this world. or have a second chance at love. i am heartbroken that we won’t laugh again or dance around the kitchen while she teaches me to bake all of the old family recipes.
as much as i yearn to have her here with me, i am so grateful, so thankful that i knew her. that she watched as the mr. and i exchanged vows. that while she was sick i flew cross country about once a month to visit her and to laugh with her and to hug her. she gave the best hugs. (i actually started this blog one year ago while visiting arizona.)
a lot of people wondered why i would go so often. she was only my mother-in-law after all. well, to me, she was so much more. she is so much more. she gave me love. she gave me hope. she gave me so many precious moments. and how could i forget, she gave me the mr.
she won’t be with us for the first time this thanksgiving. i know it will be hard. the mr. acquired his love of cooking from his mother. we will all be together and laugh in her honor. i will try to hold my head high + imagine that she is there with us. i will remember those moments, her and i, gallivanting around arizona, laughing and loving, holding hands, and holding on to that moment. she was so much more than just a mother-in-law.
and thinking of her, the good and the sad, that is what makes me happy. that is what makes me giddy. although i wish she were here, i am just so, so thankful that we had the chance to be together.