We had been on the wait list at our #1 daycare since last July. Luckily, I wasn’t planning to go back to work full-time and so we weren’t in a rush trying to figure out childcare. We decided to stay on the list since we didn’t know what situation we would find ourselves in when we finally got in. Well, after many months of waiting, we were accepted just this month.
After much deliberation, we decided to send Milo part-time. I was feeling very conflicted because I have loved spending these past 11 months with him. He’s my little buddy, and it’s been so incredible watching him change and flourish as he’s grown. I feel so thankful for that time together. My parents live in town and have been great at helping out, and we have a few great babysitters for date nights out, but for the majority of the week, I didn’t have much help. Most of the time, this was fine, but as things have ramped up with The Boston Day Book, I found myself feeling stressed and working too many late nights. The last thing I want is to be only 50% with Milo and 50% responding to emails. No one wins in that scenario.
Every single time I would voice a frustration to Matt, he would always offer the solution: childcare. I ultimately agreed and we decided to find a babysitter for a few hours a week. Just as soon as we came to that decision and I was about to start the search, we got a call from the daycare.
This is now his second full week and I’m still feeling super emotional about the change. I know that it will be really good for us both. He’s playing with lots of different kids, trying new foods, and learning to trust other caregivers. I’m already feeling so much less frenzied. I love getting work done, especially when I’m feeling creative and motivated (and not at 10pm when I’m depleted from the day!). The best part of my day is going to pick up him. I really miss him when he’s not around, and thinking about seeing him makes me smile. I probably look a little crazy as I sprint the few blocks to pick him up.
It definitely has had its tough moment, too. He has a lot of separation distress and often cries when I leave. It is so hard to walk out the door when all I want to do is snuggle him. In these moments, I often question if we are making the right decision. I am lucky in the sense that I don’t have to work. The mom guilt is no joke.
As a parent, are we always questioning our decisions? Maybe that’s just how it goes. I’m trying to ride the wave and follow my instincts. In a few short weeks, I expect that he won’t be so upset when I leave… and somehow that makes me a little sad, too. Motherhood, it’s such a wild ride.
My baby is growing up. It’s amazing to watch, and also I feel such serious nostalgia. Do you ever feel nostalgic for the moments that you’re currently in? Like you wish you could hold on to them because they’re so good and you know just how quickly it goes? I feel like that a lot these days, and I’m trying to soak up every moment as much as I can.